Fatherhood

The following post was made at REAL Men RoCK blog     

Yesterday all across the United States of America people celebrated a day honoring their father. Meals were shared and Cards and gifts were given in most households. With this post I want to stir in you good and bad memories of your father. I hope that most of the memories are good ones but let's be honest no father is perfect and there will also be some bad memories.

     In my own life I know that I have made some really bad mistakes which hurt my children. I was not an abuser but having an addictive personality and my fear of abandonment I tended to hide myself in a fantasy world. I often spent my time playing games on the computer or not talking. Those traits still affect the relationship I have with my children.

     I also did some things right. I often found ways to show love to my daughter like placing candy kisses on her pillow or giving her cards for no particular reason. I would guess you would have to ask my children for those things they feel I did right.

     Enough about me. I know that many of you have been hurt by the actions of your dads. They were alcoholics, work-a-holics, abusive, angry, or distant. I want you to consider something about them but do so without disregarding how they were. Consider what caused them to be the man they were. What wounds did they have in their lives that drove them to be alcoholics, abusive, angry and distant. What caused them to be who they were is not an excuse for how they treated you but it will help you understand why.

     Consider your own life why are you like you are. If you will do this I believe you will find that you are like you are because of events in your life that control you. That is exactly what caused your dad to be like they were.

     The good news is that cycle can be broken beginning with you. Yes it is too late for you to do anything about the past but you can begin to tackle those wounds in your life so that today and tomorrow will be different.

     I know today I am not the man who I was just a few short years ago. I still struggle with some things like playing games on the computer but I am getting better.

     Here is the really good news: Hebrews 13: 5-6 Don't be obsessed with getting more material things. Be relaxed with what you have. Since God assured us, "I'll never let you down, never walk off and leave you," we can boldly quote, God is there, ready to help; I'm fearless no matter what. Who or what can get to me?

     We often look at God through the eyes of the pain our father's caused. We accept or reject Him because of the actions of our dads.

     If you are a dad who is struggling with wounds caused by your dad and ones that have affected how you have fathered your children I encourage you to sit down with your heavenly Father and ask Him to help you first forgive your dad and second to heal your emotional wounds so that you can bring this cycle of bad fatherhood to an end.

     If this post has stirred old hurts in your life now is the time to deal with them. Forgiving does not mean ignoring what took place. Forgiving is laying it all at the feet of Jesus and asking Him to help you deal with the wounds so that you can be the one who breaks the cycle of pain.

     If you are willing to take these steps I encourage you to do something before you do anything else. Either go out and get your dad a card or write him a letter or send him an email letting him know how important he is to you and that beginning today life will be different.

What Have You Overlooked?

I was just ironing a shirt which I have worn several times over the past few months. As I was running the iron over one of the sleeves I found a plastic tab that held the price tag. It struck me how I missed this both when I ironed the shirt and wore it before.

As I thought about that it dawned on me that often our character flaws are the same way. We live with them for years and do not even realize they are there. We tend to overlook our flaws as we notice those in others.

I will leave you with what Paul and James has to say about this subject.

1 Corinthians 13: 12 We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

James 1: 22-24 Don't fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear! Those who hear and don't act are like those who glance in the mirror, walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like.